Never Gone

That sting of losing someone never fully goes away. 

I often have days where my heart aches because I miss my grandma, my aunt, my grandpa, and my uncles, so incredibly much. Today is one of those days. 

It's interesting that our hearts are capable of so much love. They have the capacity to love and love and love, and to allow us to re-feel moments and memories. It's a beautiful treasure, it really is, even though sometimes it's difficult for us to relive those things. Today, my heart has chosen to reflect on my grandma. 

I remember the very last conversation I had with her. I remember hugging her. I remember the smile on her face as she listened to me tell her all about my senior pictures. I miss her. That sting never truly goes away. 

Being in her home with my grandpa has been such a blessing. I know I say that all the time, but really, it has been. I'm certain she had a hand in getting me to come back to Vegas and live with my grandpa! I watch him do his daily chores, visit friends, and read his scriptures, and I am in awe of his strength. He has lost his wife and 3 children, and he still smiles and brings the pure love of Christ into the lives of others. My grandma would be so proud of the man that he is. I often wonder what my grandma would think of the things I've done in my life. What would she think of the woman I have become and all that I'm striving to become? It's hard to reflect and realize all that she has "missed" and all that she will "miss". However, I feel her love constantly. Especially through my grandpa. 

I pull out an embroidered dishrag of hers and hang it on the oven, and I flashback to the time I wanted to be just like her. I remember how she taught me to sew pretty things on a simple dishrag. I see her journals set up in my grandpas office, and remember the time I sat outside of the motorhome with her in Fishlake, while everyone fished, and she taught me how to write in cursive, and about the importance of journaling. I set the table with one of her tablecloths and remember how much she loved family dinners and having the table set beautifully. She was so happy and so loving. 

And despite the feeling of her "missing" so many crucial moments, I know that my grandma hasn't missed one single moment of my life. I know she is able to see me and to be near me when I need her. Memories are treasures. I am so thankful that I have so many wonderful memories to cherish, not only of my grandma, but of all my family watching over me on the other side. 

We may never understand why the people we love are taken away from us, but we can be certain that Heavenly Father never leaves us. He, and the Savior, are always standing near. Through others, and through small daily chores like setting the table, Heavenly Father blesses us with memories. He blesses us with love for those people we have lost, for those here with us, and with the love from both. 

Today, I miss my grandma. 

Today, I am grateful for the plan of salvation-Heavenly Fathers plan for each of us, and the knowledge that I will be reunited again with all those I love.