Shine

This past year has been one of confusion, joy, and self-discovery. In October 2012, I started my journey as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I headed to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah and prepared myself to serve the Lord in Rostov, Russia. What I wasn't prepared for was the trial I was about to face. My first month out in Russia was amazing! In such a short amount of time, I was able to get the full missionary experience. My companion and I knocked doors, endured the cold and snow, talked to everyone on the streets, met with members and had amazing lessons, and met an incredible woman in a park who we would eventually see get baptized. I have never felt so close to my Father in Heaven. Every day I was reminded that I was His daughter and that I had purpose. My second month, however, seemed to go a little differently. I developed a pneumonia and was stuck in our tiny apartment all month. Suddenly, I felt unimportant, useless. I couldn't understand why I would have to go through this, but I kept my spirits high and my companion and I continued to focus on the daily blessings. Around the end of the month, we were able to go out just to teach our investigator from the park. Meeting with her was the best blessing of all. Every time we met with her, she progressed. It was a beautiful thing to witness!Soon after the pneumonia faded, and just as I was starting to feel like a "real" missionary again, I came right into another trial. My stomach. I spent the next little while going to different doctors, trying different medicines and praying harder than ever. I ended up getting sent back home to America in hopes of solving the mystery. I felt like Heavenly Father had disappeared. I felt alone. I felt confused and even a little angry. Why me? Why can't someone fix me? Why couldn't I have just served a normal mission?I've been home for 6 months and it still hasn't been resolved. Many sleepless nights and countless unanswered questions later, my perspective has changed. I've learned that Heavenly Father is aware of each of us. He knows who we are individually. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses. I wanted nothing more than to serve an 18 month mission for my church, but He had a different plan for me. That was something that was extremely difficult for me to wrap my head around, but I have learned that in every trial we discover more about ourselves. I've always been confident in who I am, but I never really found myself to be a "strong" person. Heavenly Father is showing me with all of this just how strong I truly can be when I put my faith and trust in Him. I'm not exactly sure why I am home from my mission, but I know that while I was there, I grew, I served with my whole heart and soul, and I came to know my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ personally. Since being home, I have changed in more ways than I can even count. I was thrown onto a path of confusion and sadness, but I am coming out of it by leaning on the Savior. I am now more able to see what Heavenly Father sees in me, and my desire to keep it that way is stronger than ever. I know that He has a plan. I know I may not see it, or understand it all now, but in the end, I will. I am grateful for every trial that I have faced in my life. I know that this trial of my health will be something I will learn from and be able to help someone else out with down the road. I also know this is not the last of the trials I will experience, but I know that with the Lord, we can endure all things.I am especially grateful for the opportunity that I had to be a missionary. "Sister Consentine" was the best version of myself but I know that my job as a missionary didn't stop when my name-tag was removed. I will forever strive to share the Gospel with anyone and everyone. If you are currently being faced with a trial that seems to be too much to handle, I pray that you will focus on the small blessings that occur daily. The ones we barely notice. You will see what Heavenly Father is trying to show you if you are willing to see it. He takes great things, great people, and makes them even better. Allow Him to shape you, to change you and to bring you closer to Him. I promise it will all be worth it. Put your trust in Him. Lean on the Savior. Here's a little quote I'd like to leave with you that has helped me: "The stars need a certain darkness to shine." Remember this and push forward. You are a beautiful creation, individually made and known by our loving Father in Heaven.