The "Wonderful Journey"

Today I was studying a talk in the April 2013 General Conference Ensign. The talk I was reading was by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf titled "Your Wonderful Journey Home." Those of you who may not have seen this talk, read it, or even know what the heck I'm talking about, I encourage you to click on the link and read it. It is amazing! 

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-young-women-meeting/2013/03/your-wonderful-journey-home?lang=eng

As I read, there were a few things that really stood out to me. The first of these was that "every life is a collection of individual 'journey stories'." We are all on our own journey. On this journey, we discover who we are. If we pay close enough attention, we are able to see ourselves as our Heavenly Father sees us. Uchtdorf said it perfectly-"He sees you not as the world sees you; He sees who you really are. He looks on your heart. And He loves you because you are His child." 

This has been something I have constantly strived for in my life--To be able to see what God sees in me. So far in my journey, I've discovered a lot about myself. I'll share a little list with you all. Not to be self-absorbed or boastful, but simply to allow you all to get to know me and the person that I have discovered I am thus far: 

• I love everyone that I meet. Honestly. 
• I laugh ALL the time. I even laugh at things that Im certain I shouldn't be laughing at! 
• I smile and say hello to strangers. 
• I apologize a lot. Even when it probably isn't necessary. 
• I become even more of a wannabe disney princess when I'm around children. I fully believe we have so much to learn from children and everyone I come across teaches me something new. 
• I 've learned that every member of my family is not only absolutely hilarious, but they each support and love me no matter what. Family bonds are incredibly important....something I didn't realize as a teenager. 
• I talk a lot. Sometimes, I say the most random things, but I always have an explanation of how my mind took me to that random thought and I am always willing to explain! 
• The ocean is where I feel closest to the Lord. 
• Whatever situation I am in, I will write a song about it. I get lost in a world of my own when I play my guitar, and I've learned over the years that singing, writing, and playing are a constant for me. It's what I truly love to do. 
• I'm not shy! 
• I love to help others see the beauty in themselves. 
• Im extremely claustrophobic and horribly afraid of spiders. I hoped these would fade over time, but they just havent, and I'm certain they never will, so I've accepted them as a part of who I am. Haha
• I always thought I hated snow and only enjoyed the sunshine, but I was very wrong. I've learned to love the snow! It's very enchanting. 
• I like fancy words. 
• I am perfectly content watching Disney movies all day, but also like to be outside hiking, biking, having a picnic, just going for a walk....anything really. 
• Whenever my parents go somewhere, I always go. I always have, even as a child! Even if it's just to the grocery store. I suppose I just enjoy their company =]
• The color yellow makes everything so much better for me. It's definitely become my favorite. Same goes for Daisies. 
• I love to listen to other peoples life stories. Their journeys. 
• I try my very best to always be positive. 
• My nails always have to be painted. 
• My heart loves easily and it breaks easily, but I have discovered that both of those things are good things. Its important to love. Love is the center of everything. The purpose. With love, there is always that risk of a broken heart, but in my experiences, I've learned that those broken moments create a stronger heart, a heart full of even more love. That is surely a blessing. 
• I've learned that hair is just hair. Mine is always changing. 
• I find ballroom dancing absolutely wonderful. 
• I would choose yoga over any exercise ever. 
• I love to wear dresses, long necklaces, and converse. Not always all together. ;]
• I enjoy all types of music, but I really enjoy crooner music. Good ol' Frank Sinatra! 
• I am extremely captivated by willow trees. 
• I love Shakespeare and Greek Mythology. 
• I am a HOPEFUL romantic. I fully believe everyone can find someone to create their own fairytale with. 
• I love musicals and love stories and I don't like watching scary movies. I'd much prefer thinking happy thoughts rather than being terrified to shut my eyes and wash my face in the shower. 
• Speaking of, I am a bath-taker. It makes me feel like a mermaid. Honest reason. 
• I would choose a sandwich shop over every restaurant except The Cracker Barrel. It's my favorite. 
• I love books and reading, but I am always drawn to children's books. 
• I love the smell of coconut. 
• I think curly hair is ALWAYS a yes. 
• I love buildings....old buildings...full of stories. 
• I am fascinated by the Russian language and culture and I am forever grateful I was able to spend time in their country. 
• I have friends I know I was friends with in Heaven...before this life. 

These things are all things I've learned to accept and love about myself. However, the most significant thing I've discovered about myself on my journey through life so far, is that everything in my life leads me back to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Always. Everything I do, everything I am, everything that I will become, is centered on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For those of you who have known me for many many years....you know that I haven't always been so "religious." I have had my share of mistakes, but I am only human. Everything I have been through, has molded me into the woman I am now. I fully believe that my desire to see myself as Heavenly Father sees me, to look upon my own heart just as He does, has helped me become this person. This is who I truly I am. I am the daughter of a King. All of those things you just read about me are what remind me I am a unique creation of a loving Father in Heaven. We each are. I have had many moments, and will have many more, where I just can't see what He sees in me. I complain and I mess up and I feel a little insecure, but that's okay. Heavenly Father knows me. He created ME. When I feel those negative feelings, I try my best to find the positive. 

Uchtdorf's words from his talk fit perfectly here. He said: 

"There will always be things to complain about-things that don't seem to go quite right. You can spend your days feeling sad, alone, misunderstood, or unwanted. But that isn't the journey you had hoped for, and it's not the journey Heavenly Father sent you to take. Remember, you are truly a daughter of God! 

With this in mind, I invite you to walk confidently and joyfully. Yes, the road has bumps and detours and even some hazards. But don't focus on them. Look for the happiness your Father in Heaven has prepared for you in every step of your journey. Happiness is the destination, but it's also the path. "Peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come" is what He promises. That is why He commands us to "be of good cheer."

In this journey that we are each on, try to "be of good cheer." Look for the positives. As you go along, reflect on the person you are. The person you are becoming. Make a list! You are unique. You are wonderful! This journey can teach you to see yourself as God sees you, but you must open your eyes. 

Shine

This past year has been one of confusion, joy, and self-discovery. In October 2012, I started my journey as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I headed to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah and prepared myself to serve the Lord in Rostov, Russia. What I wasn't prepared for was the trial I was about to face. My first month out in Russia was amazing! In such a short amount of time, I was able to get the full missionary experience. My companion and I knocked doors, endured the cold and snow, talked to everyone on the streets, met with members and had amazing lessons, and met an incredible woman in a park who we would eventually see get baptized. I have never felt so close to my Father in Heaven. Every day I was reminded that I was His daughter and that I had purpose. My second month, however, seemed to go a little differently. I developed a pneumonia and was stuck in our tiny apartment all month. Suddenly, I felt unimportant, useless. I couldn't understand why I would have to go through this, but I kept my spirits high and my companion and I continued to focus on the daily blessings. Around the end of the month, we were able to go out just to teach our investigator from the park. Meeting with her was the best blessing of all. Every time we met with her, she progressed. It was a beautiful thing to witness!Soon after the pneumonia faded, and just as I was starting to feel like a "real" missionary again, I came right into another trial. My stomach. I spent the next little while going to different doctors, trying different medicines and praying harder than ever. I ended up getting sent back home to America in hopes of solving the mystery. I felt like Heavenly Father had disappeared. I felt alone. I felt confused and even a little angry. Why me? Why can't someone fix me? Why couldn't I have just served a normal mission?I've been home for 6 months and it still hasn't been resolved. Many sleepless nights and countless unanswered questions later, my perspective has changed. I've learned that Heavenly Father is aware of each of us. He knows who we are individually. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses. I wanted nothing more than to serve an 18 month mission for my church, but He had a different plan for me. That was something that was extremely difficult for me to wrap my head around, but I have learned that in every trial we discover more about ourselves. I've always been confident in who I am, but I never really found myself to be a "strong" person. Heavenly Father is showing me with all of this just how strong I truly can be when I put my faith and trust in Him. I'm not exactly sure why I am home from my mission, but I know that while I was there, I grew, I served with my whole heart and soul, and I came to know my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ personally. Since being home, I have changed in more ways than I can even count. I was thrown onto a path of confusion and sadness, but I am coming out of it by leaning on the Savior. I am now more able to see what Heavenly Father sees in me, and my desire to keep it that way is stronger than ever. I know that He has a plan. I know I may not see it, or understand it all now, but in the end, I will. I am grateful for every trial that I have faced in my life. I know that this trial of my health will be something I will learn from and be able to help someone else out with down the road. I also know this is not the last of the trials I will experience, but I know that with the Lord, we can endure all things.I am especially grateful for the opportunity that I had to be a missionary. "Sister Consentine" was the best version of myself but I know that my job as a missionary didn't stop when my name-tag was removed. I will forever strive to share the Gospel with anyone and everyone. If you are currently being faced with a trial that seems to be too much to handle, I pray that you will focus on the small blessings that occur daily. The ones we barely notice. You will see what Heavenly Father is trying to show you if you are willing to see it. He takes great things, great people, and makes them even better. Allow Him to shape you, to change you and to bring you closer to Him. I promise it will all be worth it. Put your trust in Him. Lean on the Savior. Here's a little quote I'd like to leave with you that has helped me: "The stars need a certain darkness to shine." Remember this and push forward. You are a beautiful creation, individually made and known by our loving Father in Heaven.