And then there were 3!

There I was, nice and cozy in my bed, (well, as cozy as a 9 month pregnant woman can be!) when out of nowhere I hear my mom shout "Daniel! Daniel! Hurry I need your help!" We both jumped out of bed, walked out into the hallway, only to be greeted by one of the worst sights we've both ever seen. My Grandpa. Covered in blood. Sitting in his wheelchair in the hallway, with my mom in her robe, hair wet in a towel and panicking. No one really knew what to say or do. I took it upon myself to figure this out! I asked him what had happened and he told me he had been at the park with his dog Titan, and Titan went after another dog and pulled Grandpa right out of his chair. Problem was, he caught his fall with his face! He even passed out for a bit. (Yes.. we were freaking out at this news!) But Gramps being the unbreakable man that he is, told us he just wanted to clean up and that he was fine. No way. We OBVIOUSLY took him to the ER. What a morning, am I right? Oh it doesn't end there.
We're waiting at the ER to get the results back from all his scans and x-rays, when Daniel and I realize we have to head out for my appointment with the baby doctor. So, we leave. This appointment was just the basic check the baby appointment. We'd been having to go twice a week because little man decided to sleep ALL THE TIME, so his heart rate needed to be watched. We go in, they weigh me (I die a little inside and try not to burst into tears), check my vitals, get my belly hooked up to the heart rate monitor, and we wait. Yup, he was sleeping. Two days prior, he had been moving like a crazy person one night (maybe you caught the video I posted?), so I thought he was doing pretty well...and yet here he was, sleeping. However, usually playing "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran would wake him enough to increase that heart rate and give the doctor what he wants, but on this particular day, nothing was waking this tiny human. So we go in to have the ultrasound done, she places it on my belly, scans for a moment, stops right under my ribs and says "Oh! Theres his head!" WHAT DID THIS CHICK JUST SAY?! Oh yeah, I was losing it. My baby flipped! He flipped around! How?! He was head down for MONTHS and then BAM 3 days before the due date, he flips. I had no words. Honestly. In that moment, I knew I was in for all sorts of unexpected.
My doctor comes in and says "Well, looks like the boy has flipped. I'd like to do a cesarean today! Would you like to have your baby tonight at 6?" Yes was what part of me was saying, and the other part was ready to unravel. A C-section?! No way. Dangit!
Soon after all that, I find myself in the hospital all hooked up and ready to go. Ask me if I lost it. Yes, I did. I was a mess! This was SUCH a crazy day! But eventually I calmed down and came to terms with it all. Mostly. I pretty much only came to terms with the fact that I got to meet my son sooner than I was expecting. The C-section thing......I just couldn't get my head around.
When the time finally came, I was lying there on the operating table with Daniel sitting next to me holding my hand, and I said "I don't think I can do this more than once." My husband calmly replied "We can talk about it later, but right now, youre doing great!" A few minutes passed, and finally the doctor says "Dad, would you like to see your son?" Daniel kisses my head, stands up, smiles and then cries. Such a lovely sight, but yet my heart was breaking. I couldnt see my baby! Daniel walks over to the table where several nurses are surrounding the baby. I can barely see the top of his little head. I wanted to scream "MOVE PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME SEE HIM!", but another thought entered my mind--Cry. Come on baby boy, cry. Why isnt he crying?? (turns out the cord had been wrapped around his neck, arm and leg! SO grateful for a c-section!) Just after that, there it was. Hands down the most beautiful and comforting noise I had ever heard. He was crying. My whole body relaxed. Even though I was numb, I sensed it.
Daniel comes back to sit with me, and he tells me how beautiful and perfect he is, and then finally they bring him to me. The nurse held him at my face and I touched his soft cheek. I teared up, but didn't actually cry, instead I just kept thinking "Oh my gosh he is so cute!". In fact, I kept saying that.  As if I was genuinely surprised I had a human baby, and not some alien child. Listen, I WAS surprised. You go 9 months growing a person you cant even see! I dont care what ultrasounds you get done, nothing prepares you for the moment when you actually see your baby. I was totally shocked by his chubby adorableness! So I feel like I had every right to chant the phrase "Hes so cute. I cant believe how cute he is.".
But, all of this bliss I was feeling, was soon taken away and I was alone. Daniel left with the baby and nurses, and I had to stay. Lying there numb. Wondering how much he weighed, and if he has my eyes.
Eventually I get taken back to my room. My mom greets me with tears and words of praise. The nurse says "Would you like to hold your son?" I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. All of the meds had caused me to shake so bad I was practically convulsing. But, I said yes. She placed him on my chest, my little Axel Knight, and suddenly all the fears I'd been dealing with all day just disappeared. He was warm and fit perfectly on top of my heart. He cozied his face in my neck and it didnt even matter that I wasnt staring at his face, he just fit. Everyone was admiring us for a little bit, and then there was a moment where they all had their attention elsewhere and I was finally alone with my son. THAT is when I cried. I cried when no one was watching. I cried at the peace I felt holding my baby. The baby I grew inside of me. He was here. A perfect slice of heaven. It was all worth it.

June 1st, 2015, 8lbs. 9oz,, 20 inches long, and cut out of me right at 6:27pm ;]

Now, I wish I could say it just kept being relaxing and peaceful after we took him home, but...I'm not a liar. The first month was INSANE. I cried so much. There were so many moments in the night where Daniel and I would look at each other and really wonder how people could say " You fall so much more in love when you have a baby" Hahaha! But, we made it. It seemed like we never would, and that the chaos would never end, but it did. For the most part ;P And we ARE more in love. Its the truth. You look at that baby, and you know that its a piece of you and a piece of the person you love most. Its such an indescribable joy!

Having a newborn is hard though, and no one ever tells you how hard it actually is. How you'll cry in the middle of the night thinking you're never going to understand this person, and that youre never going to sleep again. How every little thing worries you more than you ever worried in your whole life.

BUT people also fail to mention just how much you will miss each moment right after it passes. Literally, every moment. How even though the days seem entirely exhausting, you find yourself wishing you could relive every day again, just to hold on to the memories a little better.

Yes, Axel's birthday was a totally crazy day, but its a day I am forever blessed to have experienced. It was the day I became a mother. Watching my baby grow and learn everyday is so fulfilling. I hate the idea of him growing up, but I'm also excited to see where life takes him.

There is no sweeter joy than being someones mommy. Especially, THIS little someone. :)

**Ps. Grandpa is absolutely fine now! Crazy daredevil! 

A Wife's Wonderment

    There are a few days in my life, that have happened, or will happen, that I am sure have lead me to declare, or will lead me to declare, "This was my favorite day!" However, there is only one day that I find myself reflecting on often, wishing I could relive, and wanting every person in the world to have a day like this. My wedding day. It will forever be my favorite day. 

    It was the most peaceful day I have experienced thus far in my life. That peace was simply confirmation; confirmation that I had found the one my soul belonged to. 
   Walking out in my dress, ready to take the blindfold off of my soon-to-be husband, and reveal my princess dress, was a moment quickly engraved on my heart. It set the tone for the rest of the day, and the rest of eternity. Looking into Daniels eyes, and seeing nothing but complete and true love there, surpassed every dream I ever had as a little girl. I had found him. My prince. And he was better than any fairy tale I'd ever known. 
    Being sealed as a family in the temple was a spiritual experience beyond description. We cried together in pure bliss, knowing with all our hearts that our marriage had the blessing of our Maker. 
    Every single thing about our wedding day was perfect. Friends and family who came, our beautiful pictures, the amazing reception..everything. 
    And now, as we prepare to bring new life into this world, I reflect more and more on this beautiful day, and find myself wishing I could show my children, through my eyes, the true beauty in every moment. The way I felt seeing Daniel. The way it felt in the temple. All my visions for a reception coming together perfectly before me. The love from everyone, and from each other. 
    I am so blessed to have Daniel. He has given me all of my happiness. He strives daily to show me how much he loves me, and to put a smile on my face. Yes the rumors are true, marriage is hard! Life has been thrown at us very quickly! But when I think back, and daydream about our perfect day, I am reminded ever so strongly of the choice that we both made to love and serve one another for eternity; to put each other first; to raise righteous posterity. What a blessing it is, has been, and forever will be, to look to my side and see my husband there, going through life with his hand in mine. That blessing becomes more and more beautiful with each passing day. 
    I hope that our children know our story by heart, and that it gives them just a glimpse of how important love is in this life, and in the life to come. And I hope with all my heart, that they each find a love like ours. 

Reflections and Lessons

 2014, as you can see, was quite the eventful year for me! 

I met my Prince, he stole my heart, I knew we would be married right from the start. 


A beautiful wedding with friends and                         family, and now we're living happily! 

Sooner than expected, we were blessed with a baby; A wonderful miracle whom we already love greatly! 

As I sit here and reflect on the year that has passed, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and have concluded, alas, 

That the one thing I will cherish most from 2014, is the joy I have felt in starting my own family.

 Hello friends and family! Oh what a lovely year it has been! Daniel and myself started off the New Year by going out with my parents to see the Hobbit Hole here in Washington (the collage above). I guess you can say we're just preparing ourselves for all things small ;P 

It has been such a joy to spend the holidays here in Washington! I can not fully describe how beautiful this state is, but I can tell you we are obsessed with it. We have spent time exploring Snoqualmie Falls, Poulsbo, Gig Harbor, Port Orchard, and the cute little town of Bellfair where my family resides, and all of these places have been absolutely gorgeous! We have breathed the fresh air and have seen the stars at night. We have gone out and done things that didnt require walking through casinos, or paying tons of money. It has been a lovely end to the year, indeed!

As you all know, or just read in my awesome poem above, this past year was full of exciting events. I was sealed for time and all eternity to the man of my dreams, and we were blessed with the news of a child! 

Yes, there were moments after discovering pregnancy where I would completely panic and question if I was ready to be a mother, or wonder if Daniel and I had enough time together alone to just be married and figure each other out, but I have learned a lot already. 

As far as "figuring each other out" or "enough time alone" goes, I have learned: Daniel and I are absolutely soul mates. He gets me even when he DOESNT get me! Waking up next to him, is constantly the best feeling in the world. He teaches me about love and sacrifice. He pushes me to be the best version of myself. There is no one else I would rather have by my side in the journey of life, and no one who would be a better father to my children. Yes, life is coming at us a lot faster than we had planned, but I know with him beside me, we can do anything! 

As for "am I ready to be a mother": not even close! However, I know with every fiber of my being, there is no one in this world who will love this baby the way that I do, and always will. I feel constantly blessed to have such a divine opportunity as growing a human being. This little miracle is a piece of me, and a piece of the man I love more than life itself. I am more than happy to have the role of housing this tiny man for 9 months, and bursting at the seams to be able to teach him all that I know about life and love, family and gospel, and watch as he becomes just as amazing as his father! Yes, I am nervous and unprepared, but I feel the comfort of my Father in Heaven, and I know that with His help, and with a husband like Daniel by my side, I will know how to care for, and raise, this little boy. 

For the year 2015, my only goal is to be the best wife and mother I can possibly be. Instead of worrying about my weight, or my hobbies, or my cars and gadgets, I want to give all of my love and time to my own beautiful little family. It is going to be another amazing year! I am excited to share all that I learn with you as the year goes on. I hope that you have all had a wonderful holiday season, and that as you reflect on your past year, you will focus on all the happy moments! I wish you many more to come. 

All my love. 
<3